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...I'M MICK J MALLOY, a maintenance guy who doesn't act, is seldom funny and if I was to write Prime Ministerial spiels they would all read, ‘Does my ego look big in this?’

Although Screws and Bolts has only just burst onto the Byron maintenance scene, I have been screwing, bolting and sometimes even pop-riveting my way around the Shire for a number of years. On arriving in Byron, my skills were put to the test during a three-year maintenance stint at The Arts Factory Backpacker Lodge and Buddha Bar Complex. There is never a shortage of new and interesting things to repair in a Backpackers, but hey, if you were a young German in Australia, why wouldn’t you celebrate Oktoberfest with a bonfire on a treated pine boardwalk?

 

This would have been a good spot to insert a mission statement or catchy corporate slogan, but ever since the ANZ came up with ‘We live in your world’ I’ve gone off them, realising maggots also live in my world. Having said that, my business card does feature a rhythmic little ‘Call Quick Fix Mick’, a line my loving partner felt was rather loose in its definition of the word ‘quick’. What could I do, the cost of ink prohibited ‘Call Meticulous Mick’. Whatever, I’m here to help.

Friends once told me that to gain a competitive edge in maintenance in Byron Bay you just had to show up. Well I do show up, but the applause on arriving at each job is a bit unnecessary. If I am running late, just remember, ‘Life is the journey and not the destination’ and visualise me stuck on Ewingsdale Road, destined nowhere and loving every bit of odour de Sunnybrand. No dramas though, I discovered a function on my mobile which actually enables me to speak to you. I’m pet friendly and have been known to acknowledge the existence of small children. I won’t trample your garden bed and as much as it sucks, I vacuum my mess.

In relation to remuneration, I seek only enough to put crayfish on the table. My rates are negotiable; it depends on what’s involved. If for example, you want me to heat-gun the paint off your pressed metal ceilings, talk to your bank manager.

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